Guys Are Unserious

The Swede is a short and quick story.  I met him on Tinder and we had some pretty good chats.  He’s a postdoc researcher at the University and I love me a smart man.  We hadn’t been successful in making plans to meet up, and at some point, he was overlapping with Finance Bro, so I let him go to the back burner for a bit.

After a night out celebrating a friend’s birthday that was starting to wrap up as it was now in the very early hours of the morning, I noticed a message from him on Tinder asking me what I was up to.  It was after midnight, but I knew he lived close to the bar we were at, so I asked him if he wanted to meet me out.  He did.  It was late fall, cold, and raining, but he showed up in a bright blue raincoat with his bike. 

His pictures were normal, and he matched them.  He was very cute, but a little short for my liking.  That was fine, and he joked that most girls expect a Skarsgård when they find out he’s Swedish.  I wasn’t expecting that, but he did have beautiful blue eyes.

I was fully intoxicated when he showed up at the bar and immediately made clear what my intentions were.  We had one drink and headed back to his place.  But wait, he’s on a bike.  For some reason, I thought it was fine to trudge through the rain on a muddy bike path in the wee hours of the morning with basically a complete stranger.  Not my best judgment.

We got back to his place, and it didn’t take long before we were in bed and fully engaged in very mediocre sex.  It was fine, it was quick, and then at the end it was pretty awkward.  The condom and fallen off and he was telling me this in his very heavy Swedish accent.  I explained the importance of holding it at the base before pulling out so that he would know for next time as I got dressed and started calling my Uber.

My Uber was 15 very long and painful minutes away.  While we waited, we stood in his kitchen.  He started eating an apple and offered me one.  I figured a little food in my belly wouldn’t hurt, so we stood in silence as we ate our apples.

Finally, my Uber arrived, and I left.  He didn’t bother to walk me out and the Uber was in the wrong lot.  I found my way in the cold rain and headed home to my warm bed.  It was one of the first nights I was fully happy to be alone in my king-sized bed with just my beagle to share it with.