Guys Are Unserious

There I was. Finally feeling okay-ish. I had empathy for my husband. He had a rough childhood, he was damaged, and he wasn’t happy with me. It’s not like he cheated on me…

And then, the bump. Two years prior to all of this, we had met one of my best friend’s in Milwaukee for a wedding. She was living in Arizona with her girlfriend of several years and I rarely got to see her. We partied the night away like we were in college again. It was one of the most fun nights of my life.

One thing that always stood out to me was that when we got back to our hotel, my husband mentioned that he thought my friends girlfriend (we’ll call her Katrina), was really into him and wanted to hook up with him. I laughed it off telling him we were all pretty hammered and flirty.

We added Katrina on snapchat and became quick friends with her. This is great, my husband gets along with my best friend’s girlfriend, what could be better? For my winter birthday, for the first time in 18 years, my husband wanted to plan something for my birthday. “Let’s go see our friends in Arizona for your birthday!” Amazing, he never planned anything. He booked the VRBO, the plane tickets, and made all the plans.

We had a great trip. It was so fun to relax and spend time with other adults without our kids. It was our first trip without them and I kept thinking, this is what’s next. Now that our kids are getting older, we can finally do these fun things.

Then, it happened again. Our friends were coming to visit and so he planned a long weekend in Milwaukee. He helped arrange childcare, rented he VRBO, and made all the plans. Again, it was a fantastic time. We went to a baseball game, Summerfest, and spent the days relaxing. There was one night, in retrospect, that didn’t quite add up. Everyone was tired and ready for bed, but my husband and Katrina said they wanted to have another drink. No one thought anything of it when they went up the street to a dive bar. It’s probably what sealed the deal.

Over the next few weeks my husband withdrew until we get to “Where it Started”. I thought he was depressed and encouraged him to see a therapist or his doctor. Instead, he just kept drinking more.

Katrina broke up with my friend around the same time that my husband left me. It seemed to be just a coincidence. Until he started going to Arizona to “clear his mind.”

Shortly after our dog passed, all the pieces of the puzzle came together. Katrina and my husband were, at minimum, having an emotional affair for years. I filled with rage and disgust. How could they destroy our family? How could he hurt me like this?

I had been going back and forth between depression, denial, and bargaining. The news of the affair shot me firmly into anger where I spent a few short weeks and then I settled comfortably into acceptance.

This is where the fun begins. If he was going to go on with his life, living some strange fantasy with a girl thousands of miles away, then I was going to go on the dating apps. But first, a pit stop with my work flirt.